So Cold
by CrashBagPhoto
Summary: Nico is depressed, how could he not be? He sleeps in the stables on the Argo II. And he is just so cold. But when a warm flame comes to light the darkness, will Nico realize that maybe, just maybe, the dark isn't such a hopeless place to be anymore? Sucky summary is sucky, I apologize. Warning inside.
1. Cut

**Hello my pretties! Here is the newest Valdangelo by ME! And yes, I know its not the AU I've been promising, but I promise this one will be good. I STILL don't know what ship to make it. I'm leaning towards Solangelo, especially since I did this one, but you guys weigh in. For those who don't know, this AU is going to be in NH or Vermont and will be like a bookstore-y theme. I don't know. It'll be good. Also, I wrote this on a long car ride from a vacation and am sick, so if it sucks let me know. R&R and enjoy!**

**Warning: ****self harm, hints of suicide, depression, etc, etc. Don't read if it'll trigger you. I'm sorry it isn't as fluffy as my others, but it will get there, promises.**

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><p><strong>Song: Cut by Plumb<strong>

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><p>Nico was curled up in the corner of the stables, tears silently streaming down his face. He was shaking violently, clutching his jacket tightly around his body. He was just so cold... Nico suddenly shot into a sitting position, pulling out his blade as a thought hit him. He looked at the weapon, tilting it until he could see his face reflected in the moonlight.<br>His skin was pulled tight over his bones, dark bruises under his eyes in sharp contrast to the white of his skin. His black hair hung in long lanky strands around his face. He needed a haircut, but who could be bothered with that. It's not like he had anyone to impress. A quiet ping rang out through the still air, much to Nico's surprise. He reached up a hand to his cheek, surprised but only slightly to feel its dampness. He shuddered, pulling his knees up to his chest. He was just so cold...  
>Taking a deep breath, he held out his arm, pressing the blade to the thin skin there. He swallowed deeply, counting down from three.<br>One...he was going to do it, Nico thought, he would.  
>Two... It's not like anyone cared. It's not like they'd notice.<br>Three... Who cared anyways? Who was stopping him from tearing through his skin, his veins, his muscle? Who wasn't expecting it anyways?  
>Nico closed his eyes... And he cut.<br>It started out with one, it always did. Then it turned to two. Then to three. Then his whole arm was streaming with blood and he was powerless to stop it, to stop the tears, the pain, the guilt. Because he was guilty. What would Hazel think if she knew? What would Jason? What would _Percy?_  
>An image flashed into his mind, but it wasn't the sea green eyes, deep as the Caribbean. No, it was a warm brown, followed by a smirk that didn't quite reach those beautiful eyes, deep not in color, but in emotion, in soul. Pointy ears and an impish face covered in delicious mocha skin soon followed, lit by the flames pooled in the boys hands.<br>Nico jerked back, gasping. Why had Leo come into his mind? He shook his head hard, switching the blade to his other hand and drowning those unwanted, unrequited, unneeded feelings. But that fire... Nico shivered. He was just so_ cold._  
>"Nico... Oh god." Nico looked up, vision blurring. He was confused. His head hurt. And he was cold. Everything was red, until a warm brown gaze replaced it. White entered his sight, blotting out the red. A hand covered his arms, a second cradling his cheeks, still soaked with the salty traitors. The hands were warm, so warm. Nico curled up closer to the body array he'd to those hands, curling into the warm cage. A steady heartbeat pounded against his cheek, gaining momentum as he sunk into the dark folds of sleep.<p>

I woke in a room, but it wasn't mine. The scent of metal and oil filled the air, the him of machinery grating against my frayed nerves. I shuddered, sitting up, only to fall back, dizziness overwhelming me.  
>"Whoa there tiger, careful." A warm voice whispered to me, an even warmer hand pressing my shoulder back to the bed.<br>"Where am I?" I groaned, trying to rub me face. But my arms were to heavy, so heavy. I couldn't move them. I looked down at my forearms, only to see them bandaged up past my elbows with crisp white gauze, splattered with red. "What..." I gasped, looking up to catch the sad gaze of Leo.  
>"Last night I was going down to the stable. Festus weaned me that you needed help. You were bleeding to death, Nico. I had to give you over fifty stitches," Leo sighed, playing with the blankets that covered me. "I brought you to my room. I didn't think you'd want everyone to know, not yet, so I didn't bring you to the infirmary. I hope that's okay." I nodded, pulling my legs to my chest and hugged myself closely. Leo laid a hand on my shoulder. It was so warm. The room itself was making me warmer than I'd ever been. Or maybe it was just Leo. I leaned into him, curled tightly into his chest. He shifted off the chair by the bed and onto it, kissing my forehead.<br>"Shhh," he whispered to me gently. "It'll be okay. I promise. It'll be okay." He brushed the hair back off my forehead, kissing me again. I hadn't even realized I'd begun crying again. Just as he was going to kiss my head again, I jerked up, my lips crashing onto his. We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled back, smiling slightly as he tucked himself under the blankets, sharing his warmth.  
>Leo wrapped his arms tightly around me as I leaned into him, exhausted. We just stayed like that, curled up on the bed, my arms heavily wrapped, his warming my deathly cold body. I looked up at him, slowly managing to press my hand to his cheek. I kissed him again, whispering, "thank you," before falling asleep with my head touching his and our hands interwoven between us.<p>

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><p><strong>Didja like it? Didja, didja? I hope you did, even though it was slightly depressing, but I promise this is a happy ending story, okay? It WILL end well. So stick with me okay. This story means a lot to me, so be nice in your reviews. And please do review. I will update at five reviews. And yes I warned you I'd be doing this. So suck it up and review. Have a nice week and I hope to be updating before next week!<strong>


	2. So Cold

**Hello my pretties! so sorry this took SOOOOO long, but I've been preoccupied. Also, this is probably the second to last chapter (I know, its short) and I may not post the next one for a month, as I am participating in NaNoWriMo. If you don't know what that is, its National November Writing Month, I believe that's what it stands for. Basically, I need to write a hundred page novel from start to finish in a month. so I won't be posting much during November. Wish me luck! Also, the whole five reviews thing wasn't working, I got four. I think its due to the warning. Oh well. I won't do that again. Sorry guys! Oh, and someone mentioned my switch in perspective during the last chapter! that was on purpose, to show how Nico didn't feel like himself/wasn't thinking when it happened, and will happen again in the next chapter! I will see if I can get it out in a few days, before NaNoWriMo, but I make no promises. **

**Warning: self harm (past)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They go to Rick Riordan. Its called _fan_fiction for a reason.**

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><p><strong>Song: So Cold by Breaking Benjamin. <strong>

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><p>Shivering, I crawled out from under the covers, looking around for my shirt, which was missing, and my jacket. They were missing. I blushed, realising I'd need to leave here half naked. I couldn't wait for Leo to come back. I needed to get out of here. Now.<p>

Just then, I heard talking from outside the door. Leo. Nearly yelping with my shock, I dived right under the covers, poking my head out as Leo came in. And at his side was Annabeth.

"I just want you to look at them. I am a mechanic, not a doctor. I want you to make sure he'll be alright," Leo was saying, lowering his voice to a whisper when he entered the room, the blond following from behind him.

"Where's my shirt?" I demanded, clutching the covers to my chest as I glared at him, interrupting whatever Annabeth was about to say.

"Your shirt and jacket were covered in blood. I threw them in the wash. I was going to take your jeans too, but I didn't want you to freak if you woke up in your boxers." Leo explained calmly, holding out a plate of blue pancakes as he said, "I also got you breakfast." I blushed, but accepted the food, nibbling slightly on the edge as I waited for Annabeth to say something.

"Can I see your arms?" she finally asked, taking the seat by the bed as leo sat at the foot. I put down the plate, and held out my arms. I didn't look as she unraveled the bandages, wincing when she gasped.

"Why Nico?" she asked quietly, rubbing some antiseptic that stung like a bitch on the cuts. I scowled, refusing to meet anyones eyes. Leo rubbed my leg under over the blankets, scolding Annabeth with the look I knew was plastered to his face with worry. When I didn't answer, she turned to Leo, giving him some instructions for caring for my arms.

"You should have Will look at them when we get back to camp, just to make sure they are healing well and aren't infected. If they get red or hot before then, come to me. Keep giving him ambrosia, it'll help. They will scar though. Nothing we can do about that. I'm sorry. Take care of him, Leo. And Nico, you can come to me if you need any help, you know. I'm here." And with that, she left me with Leo, arms wrapped in fresh gauze. I kept my gaze down, flinching when he shifted to sit besides me, rubbing circles on my back. I leaned into his touch, sighing happily as I ate a pancake.

"You aren't sleeping in the stables anymore," Leo said, voice firm, but kind. "You will stay up here. I will need to work on the engines and stuff, so you'll come with me then, or hang with someone else, but not Percy. I know how you feel about him, Nico. It's okay.I just don't want him complicating things or hurting you. I'll get your jacket in a bit, and you can use some of my jeans while I wash those. We aren't too far apart in size. Okay?"

"Why?" I demanded. "Why are you doing this? I've never been nice to you! I've been outright mean! Why do you care!?" I was screaming, fist clenched as I struggled to keep my eyes dry. Leo didn't say anything at first, just kept rubbing my back with one hand as he slowly worked his fingers into my clenched fists.

"When my mama died, I was put in foster care. I didn't have anyone who cared when I cut, or when I ran away. I was a nuisance. One family yelled at me everytime i was too quiet. They thought I was planning to run away or kill them all or something. That was about when I started using humor to hide my pain. I get it, Nico. I won't let you run away, and I sure as hell won't let you be alone, because right now, you need people. You need friends, and even if you can't accept that you have a ship full of them, I will make you accept that you at least have one. Especially because I didn't, but mostly because I care about you. You are mean where I am funny. We aren't that different."

"You are just using me," I spat, wrenching my hand from his. "That's the real reason, right?" Leo flinched, looking hurt.

"You are an idiot, did you know that?" he whispered, voice calm. It was infuriating.

"You are an idiot! You are straight as a board! Why would you want to mess with me?" I snapped. He laughed slightly, touching my face.

"I'm bi you idiot, but last time I asked out a guy, he beat me up. Did you think I'd ever try that again, or would I try to hide it?" I was at a loss for words. I'd really had no idea. But, if Leo was bi, then…

"What about Calypso?" i muttered, not meeting his eyes.

"She's a lost cause. And anyways, why would I want her, when I have a perfectly beautiful boy right here?" he smirked, making me blush.

"I'm not perfect. I'm broken. I'm bad." I scowled.

"You are about as bad as teddy bear. And about as broken as me. Not saying that I am not broken, but hey. Two halves make a whole, right? Can...Can we at least try?" He whispered, sounding hopeful. I opened my mouth, about to say no, about to deny my sexuality and say it'd never work. Then I closed it. I opened it again, forming a delicate speech about how i wasn't ready, that I didn't need any complications. But then I remembered his arms wrapping around me, carrying me to his room. His gentle voice, his rough hands always knowing exactly when I needed comfort, and knowing how to provide it. His warm eyes and even warmer body. And I realised.

He was exactly what I needed.

"Okay." I said. He grinned, that big dopey smile, and leaned forward to kiss me gently.

"Good." He sighed happily, thumb tracing my lower lip. I closed my eyes, leaning into the contact. His hands reached up to cradle my face, and he peppered my faces with kisses until I grew impatient and caught his mouth with mine.

I was a messy, horrible kisser, all wet mouth and teeth, the embodiment of inexperience, but Leo wasn't. And he thankfully didn't seem to mind, taking quick control of my mouth. I leaned back onto the bed, pulling Leo down with me and just curling into his body.

"Can we just stay like this?" I asked. He nodded, running his fingers through my hair, his hand on my hip. I sighed happily. I fit perfectly against him.

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><p><strong>Didja like it? Didja, didja? So yea, there is chapter two, and I just got a great idea for chapter three, so expect that maybe later tonight! ignore what I wrote above, I am an idiot. So yea, read and review and make me smile! :) <strong>


	3. One in a Million

**Hello my pretties! Here is the last chapter! and wow, I just cranked that out! Its in the same two hours as the last one! Dam I'm good. You are welcome. So anyways, here is chapter three! The last one! I hope my ending satisfies you all. I tried to keep it in tune with BoO, though with my own take. Spoilers, sorry. Also, probably should've mentioned previous chapters took place during HoH. Yea... R&R and enjoy Halloween!**

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><p><strong>Song: One in a Million by Bosson<strong>

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><p>Nico stared into the mirror, hands shaking as he clutched a handful of pills in his palm. He was crying, again. He always seemed to be crying these days. Leo had left. He'd left, and was probably dead, and now Nico was broken. He'd just been being healed. But now he was broken. Shattered. Destroyed. Crushed. There was no hope.<p>

He let out a sob, releasing the pills into the sink. They tumbled down the drain with the red water still inside. Nico collapsed to the ground, sucking shuddering breath after shuddering breath into his tired lungs. Everything was tired. He'd been fighting for so long, against fate, monsters, himself. He wrapped his bloody arms around his legs, sobbing into his knees.

Someone knocked on the door to his cabin. It sounded urgent. Nico didn't care.

"NICO!" Someone, Percy, shouted. "He's back! Nico, Leo's back!" Nico's head snapped up, just as Percy said, "And he brought Calypso!" Nico froze, Anger filling his veins. he was shaking violently, but the tears had been dried from his face. He shadow travelled to the top of the hill, where a bunch of people had gathered to greet the mechanic and his titan companion. Nico only saw red.

He charged down the hill, barrelling past campers as he marched up to Leo, whose face flooded with relief when he saw the boy. "Nico!" he cried, happily. But he froze, seeing the rage on the Ghost King's face. "Nico?" he said again, more uncertain.

"You… HOW DARE YOU!" Nico exploded. "HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT!? AND NOW….NOW YOU BRING THIS_BITCH _BACK WITH YOU! WHY, LEO!?" the tears had started, and Nico wavered on his feet, darkness spilling into his vision. "Why?" he whispered, falling to the ground. "Why?" everything swam in front of his eyes, the concerned cries of those around him blurring into one nonsensical humm. He fell unconscious.

"Nico, Nico, baby, come back to me. God Nico, why'd you do it again?" a voice sobbed, a warm hand clutching his hand. Nico didn't open his eyes still too tired. "I didn't mean to leave you. I didn't. But I promised I'd go back to her. And I did. But I'm back now. I am. I'm back, Nico, please come back." He was crying, and that was the final straw. Nico sat up, nearly falling back as Leo's hands shot out to support him.

"Nico!" he gasped, quickly rubbing away tears.

"Leo…" Nico's lip trembled until he pressed it to Leo's, throwing his arms around the boys neck. Then he immediately tried to shadow travel away, not wanting to deal with Leo and his lies. But the mechanic had his hand trapped.

"What do you want Leo?!" He screamed, trying to pull away and dissolve into the shadows that were gathered, waiting, around him.

"YOU!" and then Leo lunged forward, wrapping around Nico and kissing him hard on the mouth. Nico gave in quickly, letting the shadows fade back away as he eased into Leo.

"I want you Nico, scars and all. I didn't want to leave you. I told Calypso the second I saw her. She was okay with it. She understands. Its okay, Nico, I'm yours, until you don't want mem I will be yours, no matter what." Nico sobbed, burying his face in Leo's chest.

"I was going to kill myself. Overdose. But I couldn't. Because i felt you out there. I knew you weren't dead, not really. I'm sorry, Leo, I'm so sorry!" he wailed, shaking. Leo stroked his head slowly, purring and cooing soft words until Nico calmed down a bit.

"Nico, mi amor, I am so, so in awe of you." he finally said. Nico blinked, confused, until Leo continued. "You are so strong. And I love you, Nico. I love you and I am in awe of you, and I want you because you are so perfectly imperfect, and gods Nico, if I lost you-" Leo broke away, a few tears splashing onto Nico's head. He looked up, shocked.

"Please don't leave me, Nico, and I promise I won't leave you. Ever." He sobbed, clinging to Nico. And thats when Nico trully broke, not for the worse, but for the better.

I realised, in that moment, what Leo had been telling me since the beginning. _He_was damaged to. Beautifully damaged. _He_was cold sometimes, and_I_was the only thing who could warm him, no matter how cold i was physically. I pulled Leo to my chest. It was my turn to stroke his hair until he calmed. Then he sat up, looking me square in the eyes.

"I won't leave you. And I won't cut anymore, or try to kill myself. I promise. But only if you promise the same." I said, using Leo's infuriatingly calm voice. He gave me a small smirk, holding out his hand.

"Deal." and then he pulled me into a kiss that carried long into the night, and both of us were warm, even in a freezing cold infirmary. Because we had each other.

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><p><strong>Didja like it? Didja, didja? I worked hard tonight, yet I'm probably going to crank out a mortal instruments fanfiction to. Wish me luck! Maybe I'll do one for Halloween... oooohh... I must get all my fanfiction out before November! Happy Halloween, R&amp;R, Thanks for reading, did I cover it all? Whatever. Shoot me a review or PM for requests, but just know I won't get to them for a while. :) <strong>


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